That might be an idea to offload the excess baggage once we get moored in Manila. The huskies aren't going to like the climate at all, so I suggest we send them back to someplace cold in individual FedEx containers. They've been of great help to us. Maybe they can get jobs as guide dogs for unsuspecting blind eskimoes?

BillyN. I must demur. It would be cheaper and more humane to shear the huskies and set up temporary a/c freight containers until the Paradise can be airconditioned. I'm all in favor of eskimos...........being fed to the huskies.


SWORD

A much better idea. The husky fur can be spun into yarn, and this can be woven into cloth by the natives. We can have contests to see who can shear a husky in record time. Next we can shear the street kids, they're getting kind of furry now too. And I could use with a 'do myself. My coiffure has seen better days.

LUCKY YOU! My whole body has seen better days!!

SWORD

Well, I wasn't going to discuss that, but I think mine has seen better days as well. I'd like to think that at least some parts of me can look forward to better times ahead. Time, gravity, etc., etc. We all know what that does to us. But the Manila Paradise will live far into the future. As long as I can keep up this frantic pace looking for urchins, feeding huskies, replacing falling entablature.

Yes, yes!! Ban all mirrors. Onwards & upwards (upwards?!!), well, ONWARDS to Manila. The Paradise gives us our immortality!

Exttra rations of rum for the huskies & us; extra lashes of the whip for the street urchins and the two comfort women.

SWORD

You could say it's all downhill from here, but there isn't really a grade differential when you're at sea. But it's always those last few nautical miles that are the most trying and difficult. Lashings will only do so much - we must resort to use of the tazers.

Tazer? Do you mean TEASER as in C--KTEASER? Or TICKLER as in FRENCHTICKLER? You've got me confused.

No, this is the most dangerous part of the trip. We have to be alert for pirates. There is a persistent report of Lesbian Pirates as ruthless as the KILLER NUNS from OUTERSPACE.

SWORD

I could not handle Lesbian Pirates nor intergalactic nuns. Teasers might cause more delay; the comfort women might lie down and beg for more. The urchins will do what urchins do best, offer people at dockside a tease in exchange for money, then they'd be off on the next Laotian Greyhound bus and we'd lose our work force.

Indeed - Dangerous Waters Ahead!!!

Yes, beware of the galleon named the BULLDIKE and the Cruiser JANET RENO.

SWORD

I fear one shot from those considerable cannons or a sneak attack from one of their massive, phallic torpedoes would do us in with one strike. We need to steer carefully out of these most treacherous waters.

How right you are, as usual. I hear that now that her give-away pet dog (and I don't mean her rack-rent, meat-rack goil friend) is giving her the boo-hoo-hoos, Ellen de G has taken to lesbian piracy and is in these waters. She not directly pursuing us but rather hunting for Yoni Yum, a rare cream which can make face-lifts in old dikes like her a thing of the past.

SWORD

Heavens to murgatroid, this is the last thing we need. So near and yet so far. I say we throw some cans of Crisco overboard as face cream/chum to lure these savages to the surface. Then we can take an easy shot, using one of the urchins as a projectile.

Confucius say:

WOMAN WHO EAT CRISCO, GET FAT IN CAN.

In a word, I agree.

SWORD

Oh yes, dear old Confucius, what would we do without him? Bet the next thing you'll tell me is that the Ancient Chinese Secret is really Calgon!

Establishing, maintaining, restoring Harmony is central to traditional Chinese philosophy. The old Yin & Yang in harmonious embrace. Think of the disharmony when King Kock married Tu Tee Nee ****.

Can the above motivate us to get to Manila Bay? Or should think of Adm. Dewey and Douglas Macarthur?

SWORD

It's the last push that's the hardest. Ask anyone who works at the Ex-Lax factory. A pilot ship has to be sent on ahead to scour the lower reaches of the bay to ensure there aren't any rogue mines left over from WWII. I'd hate to get this far and have the whole damned thing sunk by a kamakaze who died 60 years ago. I would become very cross and I might even put on a face.

I have the solution.

Have you never noticed that the lifeboats are made of metal? There is also a spare steel spar 100 feet long. If we welded it to one of the life boats and then on the other end to the keel forward the bridge, we could put two or three slave boys into the lifeboat to be on the lookout for non-magnetic mines. We need merely provide them bargepoles for them to push them out of the way.... very gingerly.

OK, of course, in the event of magnetic kind, the lifeboat will be far enough away to spare us any damage. Tough luck for the slaves. We have 10 lifeboats. This should be enough to get us into Manila Bay unharmed.


SWORD

You are a genius. I hope the pentagon doesn't hear about your incredible calculating mind, lest they conscript you for duties other than the major one at hand. We must see the spoils of our victory; we should both stand proudly as kings on the prow of our vessel as she sails mightily into Manila harbor. Oh what a day this will be...

Yup.. that's where my friends and I bought and smoked our first pack of cigarettes.. They were newport and cost 35 cents. Between the 3 of us, we almost smoked the whole pack, then really scrubbed our hands and cchewed wads of gum before going home. I believe we were 12 at the time.