Sorry to be such a pedant and worrywort, but you've failed to take into consideration the problem of illiteracy. Also, given the size of Manila rats, two different heights will have to be considered: one for rats and filipinos (who are short) and one for ****roaches.

SWORD

Nobody said this would be easy. There was a time in the late 70's when they divvied up the Paradise and made two theaters out of the balcony and one on the main floor. I would hate to see that have to happen again just to give rats and roaches their own space. Can't everybody just try to get along?

Dear Billy N.

There are so many causes of conflict that my head spins. OK, I'll leave the engineering to you, and I'll deal with cultural, linguistic, peace making aspects of the job. My initial research reveals that Tagalog speaking vermin, the tall and the short kind, do not like intruders. The same attitude is held by Filipino homo sapiens. Thus, we have no choice but to cut the Gordion knot by gassing, fumigating the entire theater. I suppose some warning should be put up. I thought they should be in English, Spanish, Ebonic, Yiddish, and Eyetalian. What do you think?

Sword

Sword, I think you have a sensible plan. As far as the vermin is concerned, let 'em go to the Ascot. For the humans, I am going to devise a simulcast multiple language headphone set that you get at the time of ticket purchase. Whatever language you set it for will play in sync with the movie. I'm having a little problem with this click language in Africa, though. I can't seem to get the clicks right and test audiences were beginning to get very annoyed, some fights broke out even.

I'm think we're now absolutely on the right track here. But what do we do re: multilingual headset if someone proposes restoring 3D movies. Can the requisite glasses be worn along with the headset? Will the Afro clicks be compatible with 3D and won't the clicks be confused with mating calls by the Filipino vermin...the tall and the short?

SWORD

"...amusing themselves by abusing themselves and catching the drops in their hands."

Sword, this will all have to be addressed by the Manila Paradise Board of Directors. I would hope that, as part of the new and vast entertainment complex, some kind of compromise would be achieved. Perhaps the clicks would have to be dealt with in their own environment. I can remember watching movies at the Paradise and sometimes when they would play the trailers for the new pictures, there would be a lot of pops and crackles, which could also cause problems vis a vis misunderstood verbal cues.

Nothing is insurmountable. It will all be worked out in time.

quote:

Originally posted by Bronx Shepherd:
"...amusing themselves by abusing themselves and catching the drops in their hands."

So poetic, Shep. Brings tears to my eyes...

Billy N. Good point. Maybe we could post signs in various African lanuages as well as Ebonics stating: PATRONS SHOULD DESIST FROM CLICKING DUE TO CULTURAL SENSITIVITY OF LOCAL VERMIN.

Bronx Shep; Do you hold a valid permit to enter this building site?

Billy N: Did you mean tears or drops?


SWORD

Sword: Your suggestions are, as always, completely on target and most astutely politically correct. One can't be too careful or too cautious these days.

With regard to the secretions mentioned above, of course they were drops. I cannot tell a lie.

Billy N, Christ!! Don't look now, but I think we have a problem. Al Sharpton, OJ Simpson, and Jesse Jackson are holding a prayer meeting in front of the theater and are calling for the Paradise to be picketed until we remove certain "insensitive, racist signs." Whatever can they mean?

SWORD

After reading this whole thread, here is the solution to all your comments on this thread.

The Gordion knot could never be cut down

The drops should be blue and green.

The vermins are very invisible.

The rats and roaches always had their own space.

Sword: Battle Stations!!! Those three would go to the opening of a door if they had the chance. Let us not deter from our lofty goals by pandering to these self-aggrandizing zealots. Mary Lynn: You are right. The rats and roaches have always secured their own space; it's just a particular challenge to keep them out of this venue.

BillyN. Once again, you're right on the ball! But those 3 aforementioned ugly *******s have been joined by Flatfoot, Amigo, Juan Antonio, Cold Steel Kid, Dekim42, and others. Man the battle stations. Damn the Roaches and full speed ahead. Manila or bust!!

Oh, what job has been assigned to MaryLynn? Camp follower? What?

SWORD

Sword: This might involve congressional appropriation of funds. We need all the help we can get. I believe that Mary Lynn is a novitiate and potential disciple of the Foundation to Preserve the Vermin-Free Manila Paradise. Many will come; few are chosen.

quote:

Originally posted by Yvonne:
I remember watching Woody Allen's "Sleeper" at the Paradise,, we watched the movie three times. On the third time round, my friends became rowdy and the ushers threw us out.

Last time I was at the Paradise I was on a date, in the balcony, watching Raiders of the Lost Ark. Balcony was empty except for us, but a couple came in, sat right behind us and had no interest in the movie. I think they just needed a place to talk, lol. I turned and asked if the 500 other empty seats weren't good enough for them, or did they just want their own audience. They moved, lol.

BillyN Are you sayin Marylynn is a nun? If so, I can understand her interest in vermin. There is already a Sister Mary Rat, Sister Mary Rodent, Sister Mary Weasel, how about we dubb her Sister Mary Squirrel?

But what do we do about the menacing, angry mob of demonstrators outside? I see Schwartz is try to calm them down with tales of when the Bronx was White and Ethnic. Oh, no!! They've......... her!!

Hangingout PLEASE VACATE THE THEATER. WE ARE ABOUT TO FUMIGATE. PLEASE TAKE YVONNE OUT WITH YOU.


SWORD

Sword: I think it might be wise to hand out free samples of food some distance away from the theater. This might steer some of them away. I think I had Sister Mary Squirrel in 2nd grade. The bite marks are still visible.

In this situation, it would have to be Soul Food!

Uhh, where did the Squirrel latch onto to bite? Was it a private area?

Do you know how we go about having this thread declared a building site with only qualified personnel allowed entry, namely you & me?

SWORD

Methinks you guys are talking in code.